Low Expectations from People, High Dependency on God

Friends, I think I've figured out the secret to life. Please correct me if I'm wrong. 

Fall is in full swing here in Ximen Ding. Maybe I should re-phrase this: MINISTRY is in full swing. This means, of course, that the vision is coming together, lives are being changed, people are on the edge of breakthrough, support is coming through on all sides, connections are being made every 5 minutes here in Taipei, and between teaching English and studying Chinese there doesn't seem to be enough time to do it all. It's a cycle of always getting something done, but never getting everything done.  

The last ten days of my life have been incredible. By incredible I mean they were simultaneously normal, busy, fulfilling, beautiful, full of people, full of plans, and full of God. And when I look back on the last 10 days of my life, I realize how I got through it all - keeping expectations from people low and dependency on God high. 

The last ten days paint an accurate picture of what the ministry is here - and as a result, a picture of my life as a missionary here in Taiwan. By the end of it, I think you will FEEL with me why keeping expectations from people low and dependency on God high is so important. And so necessary. 

Last Saturday (10/1), I got out of bed, took a shower, brewed myself coffee and then prepared for my day of...work. I know what you're thinking. It's a Saturday; why was I preparing for work? Let me tell you: this is the work that I live for, the reason I'm in Taiwan.

the floors in the new building

I started my day writing student reports with my teammate Michael over at the Red Theater (RT) apartment (for those who don't know, I'm on a ministry team here in Ximen Ding and we live in different apartments around the Ximen Ding area). By 12:30, I only had one class of students left, but it was time to meet up with my friend Gary for lunch. Gary became a Christian two years ago, and it had been a few months since I had seen him. After lunch with him, I stopped by the future coffee shop building where people were painting the floors. (It's looking awesome in there.) I said hi, took some pictures, and then returned to the RT apartment to get back to work on my computer.

on out reach handing out invites

Since my teammate Jamie was tied up in working in the building all day, I took over Saturday night outreach for her, so I was busy making invitation cards to hand out to people on the streets for our Ximen Dinner/Worship service the next day. I worked until about 6:30, when I had a dinner date with my friend Sweetie. After we ate and prayed together, we both went out on outreach to hand out the invites. 

the poster I made

the painting crew

After handing out all the invitation cards, we both went over to the coffee shop building, where everyone was getting high off paint fumes and making a lot of progress. I was then given my second mission of the night: making a poster for the door so people knew what was going on, so I did just that and put it up that night. 

Meanwhile, I had been connecting with my good friend Rachel via text message and made plans to meet up with her later that night for a drink at the Red Theater. My day ended in refreshing conversation about life and ministry in Taiwan with a dear friend who has been part of my life for over a year now.

people in the new building

On Sunday (10/2), I spent my morning reading my Bible and preparing for the worship service that night. I was the one who was sharing. My friend Felicia and I had already gotten together a few days earlier to prepare, since she was the one who would be translating for me. I, the American, would be speaking Chinese, and she, the Taiwanese person, would be speaking English. That whole afternoon up to the service, I was in preparation mode. I also created another poster for the future Coffee Shop, as well as miniature versions to hand out to people at the service that night. We were going to be eating the meal in the living room, but the actual worship service was going to take place in the new building.

worship in the new building

After it was all over, we had a team debriefing meeting; and then I stayed up with Chris and Jamie at the RT apartment to finish writing my student reports that were due at noon the next day.

Monday (10/3) was a big day. Mondays are generally really big days for me. They start off with Chinese class in the morning from 9:30 to 11:30, followed by teaching English in the afternoon from 1:30-6:30, and then end with women's Bible study from 8:30-10:15. On this particular Monday, I had a lot of communicating to do with the girls in the Bible study, since it had FINALLY been decided over the weekend that Bible study was moving to a new location. I had a lot on my mind that day. Fortunately, that week my students were taking their Monthly Quizzes at school, so I didn't need to do a lot of prep work for class. After Chinese class, Jamie and I walked over to Coffee Geek, where I got us both real WHITE MOCHAS, the perfect pick up for any Monday.

The rest of the day panned out smoothly. I was able to communicate with all the girls about that night, and Bible study was awesome. I am the only leader of the women's Bible study this year, and the last few months had been rough. I was constantly feeling like there was something in the atmosphere that I needed to fix to make everyone comfortable. And even though everyone LOOKED fine gathered in the living room of my apartment every Monday night, I knew something was off. I could sense it.

Well, that Monday night changed everything. We're studying Revelation this year (intense, I know), so I needed to find a translator who was confident and capable enough and up for translating every week. I found her (April Tang, a phenomenal Christian Taiwanese woman who has done so much for the community around her and the world at large), but she needs to tend her second-hand furniture store every Monday night until 9. So she asked if we could move the study to her quaint little shop. That's what we did! And now Bible study has a new location, fresh feel, and there is no longer that feeling that I need to maintain something to keep everyone else at ease. It was SUCH an answer to prayer.

me and Joanna

Fortunately, I had the next morning (10/4) free. Normally, I have Language Corner at Jingwen University Tuesday mornings, but that week was my rest week. I had made one o'clock lunch plans with my friend Joanna who has only been in Taiwan for a couple months now (this is not the same Joanna I take Chinese with on Mondays and Thursdays), so I spent a relaxed morning at home and then headed out to meet her. (This was contrary to my original plan of waking up early and editing ministry videos all day, but I think it worked out for the best in the end.) Joanna and I had a wonderful time out in Ximen, talking about life in Taiwan and getting to know each other a little more.

After we parted ways, I returned home where I grabbed my computer and then headed to work on the bus. Normally on Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday nights, I tutor from 8-9/9:30 at night. But this particular week, my school was having Parent Teacher Nights (PTN), so I cancelled my tutors and spent the evenings in my classroom meeting parents and talking to them about how their students were doing in English class. I came home that night to a house full of the people who attend the Tuesday night Bible study. When Bible Study was over, I greeted them, chatted with my roommates and went to bed, satisfied after another full day.

Wednesday morning (10/5), I met up with my friend Rina at the new Starbucks in Ximen for coffee. I had a buy-one-get-one-free coupon that we both used. It was a good time of catching up with her, talking about life and friends and our own desires and interests. Rina is a beautiful girl. She was baptized a year ago, and I am very excited about watching her grow in her faith in this next season.

I'm between Mark and Rachel

After my coffee date with Rina, I hopped on the bus and headed to Subway, where I met up with my precious friends Mark and Rachel and had lunch with them before work. The rest of the afternoon was filled the regular routine of teaching English and an evening of meeting parents. I finished up a little earlier that day, so I was able to be back in Ximen by 8. Since I didn't do any movie editing Tuesday morning, I decided to work on it Wednesday night; so after I hopped off the bus, I picked up 5 bowls of 3GUPU (this Taiwanese concoction of beans and jelly and other chewy things) at Chris's request and headed over to the coffee shop building where painting was still happening to say hi and drop off the 3GUPU before my night of movie editing.

the prayer room

At the RT apartment, I planted myself in front of the iMac, put on some music, and edited the September Ximen worship video - on my iPhone, not the iMac (haha). It was completed by 12:30, and by the time Chris and Michael walked into the doors, it was ready for them to watch. I started uploading it to YouTube and went home, leaving the upload for Chris to complete. (You can watch the movie by clicking here.)

the basement

The next morning (10/6) was a wild one. I go to Chinese class on Monday and Thursday mornings every week, so I'm always going to feel a late Sunday or Wednesday night. This particular morning, I found myself frantically getting out of bed and sprinting into the shower at 8:52 repeatedly saying to myself, "Oh, no! Oh no!" I heard my roommate Sarah leave the house while I was in the shower (she also has Chinese class on Thursday mornings), was out the door at 9:10, and by the time I reached the bus stop, Sarah was still waiting for the bus.

I went to 7-11 to buy coffee before class, and I was walking out, I ran into my classmate Joanna (the two of us are taking class together this year) who was heading BACK to 7-11 to grab the coffee she had already purchased but forgotten to take with her! This was ironic, because I normally get to class before her, and the morning she arrived first, we end up at 7-11 together anyway, because she forgot her coffee. Chinese class was AWESOME that morning. Both of our brains got rocked. Our original teacher was in Italy, so we had two teachers that I actually already knew as friends (all of us on the ministry team have been attending TLI for 3 years now, so we're familiar with a lot of the teachers) but never had in class before. Melissa and Alexa were both incredible.

Joanna and I walked to work together, grabbing almond tofu and ice cream bars on the way. We even ran into a friend on the sidewalk. After another afternoon of teaching English, I met with my final set of parents, and then headed back to Ximen in time to watch the movie Tron (which totally gets a thumbs up from me, by the way) with Sarah, Sharon, and Michael at the RT apartment. After the movie, I finished writing MORE student reports (since my students had taken a monthly quiz that week, another set of reports was required for teachers to write), had some great conversation with Michael about the movie, wrote my Cycles blog for that day, and went home.

I said good morning to Friday (10/7) with another coffee date, this time with Kelly, a friend that I have known through Joanna for a while but had never really spent a lot of time with. We met at the Taipower MRT (subway) station with the original intention of going to Coffee Geek, but it wasn't open yet. Fortunately, she had heard of a coffee shop that I knew of that was just up the street, so we went there and had absolutely wonderful conversation over coffees and a shared bagel. At the tail end of our date, a former BigByte coworker (BigByte is the cram school where I teach English) named Nikhil showed up. It had been a long time since I had seen him around, so it was really fun to catch up with him and get his name card. (Name cards are how people do networking here in Taipei.)

I got to spend more time with Kelly, since we walked in the same direction for a while before parting ways. My Friday teaching days go from 1:30 to 9:30, since I teach a junior high class now on Friday nights, so I had quite the afternoon/evening ahead of me. Fortunately, there was a three-day weekend up ahead.

me and Afra

After teaching junior high on Friday nights, I head back to Ximen for coffee house. So that's what I did that day, and spent the rest of my night in the company of teammates and Taiwanese friends. I was on closing that night, so I asked my friend Afra (one of the girls from Bible study) to translate for me. I stuck around a little later after coffee house ended and watched a couple of "Office" episodes with Chris, Jamie, and Michael. Then I left with our friend Eric and headed home for another night of sleep.

On Saturday (10/8), the 3-day weekend finally got started. Saturday mornings, I usually meet up with my friend Ethan for Korean-English language exchange. On this particular day, I felt inspired to go somewhere besides Starbucks; so I took him down by the river, where we found a place to sit and talk about life. Then we had lunch at a lunch box buffet place near the MRT station before parting ways. After he left, I stopped by the coffee shop building again to say hi and then headed to Carrefour (the grocery store here) to buy some needed toiletries.

me and my friend Felicia

some of the exhibit

After my Carrefour run, I stopped at home to drop off my things and hang my clothes up on the roof to dry. I had thrown a load of laundry in before heading out that morning. Then I was off to meet my friend Felicia; we were going to check out a design exhibit at the Taipei Fine Arts Museum together. It was this design exhibit from London. It was super fascinating, and I felt like I had stepped back into the history of the Western World as I walked through the exhibit, absorbing the information and artwork. I left early to give myself some time at home before my next engagement that day: a play called Ah! Taipei People (that's the English translation).

at the Red Room

I went to watch this play with my two friends Prish and Leiven. They are both people I know and I have slowly grown closer to through my involvement in Red Room. First of all, it was so good to spend time with both of them again. Second, I was at the perfect place in my life to be watching a play that explores the lives of people in Taipei. In this city. In the city that has been my home for the last two years. The entire play was performed in Chinese, performed by Taiwanese people, and told me a story - a story about my home. 

Ah! Taipei People!

That night, I went to bed without any need. I wasn't lacking anything. I had never been so stilled by such a deep sense of satisfaction. 

the logo

Sunday (10/9) was work day. Again, it was the kind of work I live for, the reason I'm in Taiwan. I woke up to my computer ringing; it was my mom on Skype. So the first hour of my day was spent on Skype talking to my wonderful mother. After that, I made myself coffee and then spent the next 7 hours in bed on my computer working on the ministry website. I went out to dinner with some teammates before our prayer and worship meeting that evening. Then there was prayer and worship meeting, preceded by a conversation with Michael about ministry marketing and website stuff. After prayer and worship, I worked on the coffee shop logo until about 2 in the morning. At that point, Chris, Jamie, and Michael told me to just sleep over in the spare bed. So I spent the night at the RT apartment and woke up the next morning at 6 o'clock to the morning light and singing of the birds. 

Yoshi, me, & Gary at the Expo

Monday was the last day of the three day weekend and also the day that gave us the three day weekend: 10/10 - Double Ten Day. Taiwan's birthday. I started the day early, writing, writing, and writing. At 8:30, I decided to move out to the dining room table, where I was blessed with a cup of coffee and the company of my teammate Michael. At 10, we had a meeting about fund-raising and other coffee shop business, where I took care of some important communication as far as the logo is concerned. After the meeting, I headed out to the Taiwan Word Design Expo with my friend Gary and Gary's Japanese friend Yoshi. 

Happy Birthday, Taiwan! (the view from the roof)

After a couple of hours of absorbing interior and graphic design awesomeness, I returned to the rooftop of my apartment in Ximen where I ended the three-day weekend with my team - American barbecue style. While our stomachs were full of slabs of meat and mashed potatoes (I was in a meat coma), we watched the Double Ten fireworks show they have on the river every year. The view from the roof is generously awesome. 

This last week was a signature week for me. It truly epitomized what my life has become here in Taiwan, and I'm happy (and a bit overwhelmed) to declare that I love it. I love my life here. And I will continue to live this live with the strength and love and grace that God gives me to live it. And by God's grace, I keep expectations from people LOW, and dependency on him HIGH. This is my life.

Coming home

The most culturally jerking parts of my first year in this country were probably spending all the American holidays away from family and friends. That was when Taiwan felt the most foreign to me, and that is when I would experience my darkest moments of homesickness.

I remember my first Thanksgiving. I didn't know to handle the bout of homesickness that hit me. But then I had an awesome dinner with good friends that night and was really blessed by the reminder that I really was establishing a family here. I also started the learning process of creating my own holiday traditions in a new place with the essentials in mind: community, food, and love. 

Recently, I've found myself in another rather steep bout of  homesickness as I am going into my third year. The longer I am here, the farther away I am from all of you. So many people are married now, planting themselves in steady jobs, beginning their careers, having children, finishing graduate school. I speak from the bottom of my heart when I say the only thing I want to do when I think of all of you is sit down (over coffee, drinks, in your living room, dinner - whatever!) and hear about your life. I want to hear everything. About the boring moments. The exciting moments. The normal everyday stuff that defines all of our lives. About work. The spouse or whoever the significant other is. About the mud stain you successfully removed from your white pants with your tide stick the other day. All the successes and failures. I want to hear your voice.

And at the same time, after spending an entire day in Fulong this last Saturday with both new and old friends on the beach and on bikes soaking in all the goodness of the world around us, I feel like I've come home a second time. And I'm in the same place. It feels nice, comfortable, like home. 

Fulong is a town near the coastal mountains on the Northeastern coast of Taiwan

The day in Fulong was truly a perfect day in every sense. It was a complete representation of everything awesome that represents my life here, as well as everything that I love: new friends that I've only recently connected with, friends from both America and Taiwan, speaking English and Chinese, biking, the beach, friendly cantering with the locals, and making new friends on the public mode of transportation that was being used at the moment. It was all wrapped up in an absolutely sublime and sunny day with beautiful people. 

This is my life. 

This revelation is a little scary to me right now, because it's such a strong reminder of reality. The reality that my life is here. 

It's all still overwhelming to think about - my life taking root and beginning to grow here and not there - but I accept it. And I am here missing all of you, because you have accepted it as well. And when we reunite, be it for five minutes or five days, in the summer of 2012, over coffee or drinks or dinner, I will be reminded all over again of what it is to have family all over the world.

self-discovery & solidarity

I talk to taxi drivers, teach English and speak Chinese.

For the last two years, I have been immersed in everything unfamiliar, doing things I've never planned to do, and using my degree in completely unexpected ways. And the the three things I named above are only the beginning.

I'm about to start year three of it all. And I am little scared, to be honest. I'm scared, because when I look behind me, I see volumes of people, memories, experiences, students, teachers, friends; and this is only looking back two years. The farther I go with my life here, the more of myself I establish - HERE. And anyone with two or more years of life experience on me knows what that means.

I've had an eventful summer, and it's reaching a tragic end, as the third first day of school (September 1st) is almost upon me. After the two trips I made to Cebu and back (read previous blog), I found myself rushing headlong into a season of teaching and traveling here in Taiwan. It was my first summer in Taiwan, and it was HOT. (Last year I had spent the summer in the Philippines for the first time.)

Here's my 2011 TAIWAN SUMMER in a nutshell/bullet point/timeline form:

• June 30 - last day of school
• July 1-3 - personal retreat to a town in the Southern part of Taiwan called Dulan
• July 4-14 - first session of summer school
• July 10 - July Ximen Worship night
• July 15-20 - Mom in Taipei!
• July 20-July 29 - Cebu
• July 31-August 2 - Cebu, round 2
• August 1-11 - session 3 of summer school
• August 7 -  August Ximen Worship night
• August 11-14 - weekend trip to Penghu
• August 15-24 - LAST session of summer school!
• August 25-26 - break
• August 27-28 - pre school year orientation
• August 29-31 - break

swimming in the ocean

the guest house

Now for the visual  form of my summer's highlights, accompanied by captions and brief summaries.

complete and total relaxation

I strategically started out my summer with a 5-hour train ride that took me away from the city to the beauty of Taiwan's east coast. I'm not kidding you: the sun is so strong here, I lost a layer of skin that weekend. Peeled right off of me like potato skins right after I got back.  

I already told all of you about my mom and Cebu (read previous blog) with words AND pictures. :-)

The trip to Penghu (check out Wikipedia for information on this beautiful part of the world) was beautiful, fabulous and unforgettable. I'm going back. That place was absolutely glorious. These photographs are taken by my talented photographer friend James. 

I also made a myriad of videos about the trip that can be viewed on my YouTube. Look for the Penghu videos!

And now, just for fun, here's a clip of some of the crazy yet adorable students I taught all summer. They're only crazy, because they have a crazy cool teacher. :-) I was teaching phonics and Dr. Seuss. It got extremely old for ALL OF US, teacher and students included, by the end of the summer.

Like I said at the beginning of this blog, for the last two years, I have been immersed in everything unfamiliar, doing things I've never planned to do, and using my degree in completely unexpected ways. And this whole time I have been discovering things about myself I never knew were there, and it's only because I've been navigating a life in the unknown, striving to become known and to know. As a result, I'm more grounded. I have roots, despite the distance that separates me from home. My faith is now tangible and immovable element in my life. 

I miss all of you. Thank you for reading these words, looking at these pictures, watching these videos. Thank you for being a part of my life. 

one year

August 1, 2010. That was the day I landed at the Mactan International Airport in Cebu for the first time in my life. I stepped out the door, on my phone, my eyes searching, my heart not knowing what to expect. Then I saw them. These people who picked me up. These people who, except for my grandma (lola in Cebuano), I was meeting for the first time in my life. And these people were my family.

the group that picked me up from the airport

Having an Asian half to my family has taught me a lot about, well, family. In the States, my cousins and I could probably care less about each other. We're all living our lives; I've played with them once or twice when I was little. There hasn't much built up, and that's OK. It's OK to prioritize those present in your life. I've discovered that here in the Philippines, my cousins could almost care more! They consider me their sister; in Cebuano I'm literally addressed as "older sister" (ate [ah-tee]). I matter to them, whether or not I'm physically present in their lives, and they love me. And I love them.

This last year, my family in Cebu became a part of my life. I visited them for three weeks last summer in August (you can look at my pictures on facebook - I posted two albums: Discovering my other half & Discovering my other half II). It was three weeks of culture shock (you can read my blog, "culture shock").

Those three weeks began a new chapter of my life; ironically, those three weeks also began the final year of my Lola's time here on earth.

me and lola - August 1, 2010

I visited Cebu two other times this last year. Once over Chinese New Year in February and then again just last month in July. A different course of events brought me back the third time; it even brought my mother to Asia. This course of events was Lola's health.

Things in Cebu had gotten really serious. In the States, my mom was receiving phone calls and urgent messages about hospital bills and medicine and her mother being extremely sick. I was receiving reports via facebook about my grandma being in the hospital and receiving blood transfusions. My mother decided she needed to fly to Cebu herself and see what was going on. So that's what she did. After her first two weeks in the Philippines, she flew to Taipei to spend a few days with me and see my life here in Taiwan. It had been two years since I had seen my mom (see my pictures on facebook: The MOM in TAIPEI & CEBU and Surprise Party for Mom and watch Surprising the mom!).

My mom and I together after 2 years

After her few days with me in Taiwan, we returned to Cebu together; since after I had found out about the whole situation of Lola's health and that my mother was going to be there, I decided I would also make the trip. Once we got to the Philippines, my mom and I started out in Bohol, to continue our mother-daughter bonding portion of the trip (read my note "Bad News and Good News" and watch these two videos: That was a close one. & Getting there: half the journey). While we were in Bohol, my mom got a phone call that called us back to Cebu a day early.

The 3 Generations - July 24, 2011

In Cebu, I spent some of my Lola's last days with her here on earth, taking care of her, feeding her, changing her diaper, singing to her, listening to her cry out in pain and making her last requests, break out in to song, and pray to her Creator. I was also witness to the many people that were drawn to my grandmother, watching them pray for her and encourage her (watch "For Lola", a video compilation I created of her last days in Cebu). My mom and I both left her knowing that it was only a matter of time. We just didn't know when.

I returned to Taiwan and my mom flew back to the States on July 29th.

Barely two days after returning, I received notification of my grandmother's death as I was walking out of church that Sunday afternoon. She had passed away on July 30th, at 3:30 in the afternoon. I booked a ticket back to Cebu that night.

August 1, 2011. One year after the first time I ever came to Cebu and saw my grandma for the first time after 10 years. I landed at the Mactan International Airport in Cebu at 8 o'clock in the morning after flying all night from Taipei. I took a taxi to Talisay Bible Baptist Church, where they were keeping Lola's body. The funeral service and the burial started at one that afternoon. One of my grandma's last requests was that video be taken at her funeral and remembered as "Mommy's Journey to Heaven." So that's what I did. I documented the even so that it could be remembered forever (see "Mommy's Journey to Heaven", the picture album version).

I wrote to a close friend in an email today,

"As soon as I arrived at the Talisay Bible Baptist Church in Cebu the next morning around 9am, I knew I was supposed to be there. That Monday was one of the most emotionally intense days of my life. I think seeing everyone else's tears made me hold mine back. It was my first funeral. I freaked out when I saw my grandma's dead body. It wasn't her.

And I guess that's the joy and beauty hidden in all of this. That body in the coffin wasn't my grandma. My grandma is in heaven."

I will remember my Lola forever, and so will so many other people she knew while she was here on this earth. And she will always be one of my greatest reminders of the words from Philippians 1:21: "TO LIVE IS CHRIST, AND TO DIE IS GAIN."

See you in Heaven, Lola.