Coming home

The most culturally jerking parts of my first year in this country were probably spending all the American holidays away from family and friends. That was when Taiwan felt the most foreign to me, and that is when I would experience my darkest moments of homesickness.

I remember my first Thanksgiving. I didn't know to handle the bout of homesickness that hit me. But then I had an awesome dinner with good friends that night and was really blessed by the reminder that I really was establishing a family here. I also started the learning process of creating my own holiday traditions in a new place with the essentials in mind: community, food, and love. 

Recently, I've found myself in another rather steep bout of  homesickness as I am going into my third year. The longer I am here, the farther away I am from all of you. So many people are married now, planting themselves in steady jobs, beginning their careers, having children, finishing graduate school. I speak from the bottom of my heart when I say the only thing I want to do when I think of all of you is sit down (over coffee, drinks, in your living room, dinner - whatever!) and hear about your life. I want to hear everything. About the boring moments. The exciting moments. The normal everyday stuff that defines all of our lives. About work. The spouse or whoever the significant other is. About the mud stain you successfully removed from your white pants with your tide stick the other day. All the successes and failures. I want to hear your voice.

And at the same time, after spending an entire day in Fulong this last Saturday with both new and old friends on the beach and on bikes soaking in all the goodness of the world around us, I feel like I've come home a second time. And I'm in the same place. It feels nice, comfortable, like home. 

Fulong is a town near the coastal mountains on the Northeastern coast of Taiwan

The day in Fulong was truly a perfect day in every sense. It was a complete representation of everything awesome that represents my life here, as well as everything that I love: new friends that I've only recently connected with, friends from both America and Taiwan, speaking English and Chinese, biking, the beach, friendly cantering with the locals, and making new friends on the public mode of transportation that was being used at the moment. It was all wrapped up in an absolutely sublime and sunny day with beautiful people. 

This is my life. 

This revelation is a little scary to me right now, because it's such a strong reminder of reality. The reality that my life is here. 

It's all still overwhelming to think about - my life taking root and beginning to grow here and not there - but I accept it. And I am here missing all of you, because you have accepted it as well. And when we reunite, be it for five minutes or five days, in the summer of 2012, over coffee or drinks or dinner, I will be reminded all over again of what it is to have family all over the world.

self-discovery & solidarity

I talk to taxi drivers, teach English and speak Chinese.

For the last two years, I have been immersed in everything unfamiliar, doing things I've never planned to do, and using my degree in completely unexpected ways. And the the three things I named above are only the beginning.

I'm about to start year three of it all. And I am little scared, to be honest. I'm scared, because when I look behind me, I see volumes of people, memories, experiences, students, teachers, friends; and this is only looking back two years. The farther I go with my life here, the more of myself I establish - HERE. And anyone with two or more years of life experience on me knows what that means.

I've had an eventful summer, and it's reaching a tragic end, as the third first day of school (September 1st) is almost upon me. After the two trips I made to Cebu and back (read previous blog), I found myself rushing headlong into a season of teaching and traveling here in Taiwan. It was my first summer in Taiwan, and it was HOT. (Last year I had spent the summer in the Philippines for the first time.)

Here's my 2011 TAIWAN SUMMER in a nutshell/bullet point/timeline form:

• June 30 - last day of school
• July 1-3 - personal retreat to a town in the Southern part of Taiwan called Dulan
• July 4-14 - first session of summer school
• July 10 - July Ximen Worship night
• July 15-20 - Mom in Taipei!
• July 20-July 29 - Cebu
• July 31-August 2 - Cebu, round 2
• August 1-11 - session 3 of summer school
• August 7 -  August Ximen Worship night
• August 11-14 - weekend trip to Penghu
• August 15-24 - LAST session of summer school!
• August 25-26 - break
• August 27-28 - pre school year orientation
• August 29-31 - break

swimming in the ocean

the guest house

Now for the visual  form of my summer's highlights, accompanied by captions and brief summaries.

complete and total relaxation

I strategically started out my summer with a 5-hour train ride that took me away from the city to the beauty of Taiwan's east coast. I'm not kidding you: the sun is so strong here, I lost a layer of skin that weekend. Peeled right off of me like potato skins right after I got back.  

I already told all of you about my mom and Cebu (read previous blog) with words AND pictures. :-)

The trip to Penghu (check out Wikipedia for information on this beautiful part of the world) was beautiful, fabulous and unforgettable. I'm going back. That place was absolutely glorious. These photographs are taken by my talented photographer friend James. 

I also made a myriad of videos about the trip that can be viewed on my YouTube. Look for the Penghu videos!

And now, just for fun, here's a clip of some of the crazy yet adorable students I taught all summer. They're only crazy, because they have a crazy cool teacher. :-) I was teaching phonics and Dr. Seuss. It got extremely old for ALL OF US, teacher and students included, by the end of the summer.

Like I said at the beginning of this blog, for the last two years, I have been immersed in everything unfamiliar, doing things I've never planned to do, and using my degree in completely unexpected ways. And this whole time I have been discovering things about myself I never knew were there, and it's only because I've been navigating a life in the unknown, striving to become known and to know. As a result, I'm more grounded. I have roots, despite the distance that separates me from home. My faith is now tangible and immovable element in my life. 

I miss all of you. Thank you for reading these words, looking at these pictures, watching these videos. Thank you for being a part of my life. 

one year

August 1, 2010. That was the day I landed at the Mactan International Airport in Cebu for the first time in my life. I stepped out the door, on my phone, my eyes searching, my heart not knowing what to expect. Then I saw them. These people who picked me up. These people who, except for my grandma (lola in Cebuano), I was meeting for the first time in my life. And these people were my family.

the group that picked me up from the airport

Having an Asian half to my family has taught me a lot about, well, family. In the States, my cousins and I could probably care less about each other. We're all living our lives; I've played with them once or twice when I was little. There hasn't much built up, and that's OK. It's OK to prioritize those present in your life. I've discovered that here in the Philippines, my cousins could almost care more! They consider me their sister; in Cebuano I'm literally addressed as "older sister" (ate [ah-tee]). I matter to them, whether or not I'm physically present in their lives, and they love me. And I love them.

This last year, my family in Cebu became a part of my life. I visited them for three weeks last summer in August (you can look at my pictures on facebook - I posted two albums: Discovering my other half & Discovering my other half II). It was three weeks of culture shock (you can read my blog, "culture shock").

Those three weeks began a new chapter of my life; ironically, those three weeks also began the final year of my Lola's time here on earth.

me and lola - August 1, 2010

I visited Cebu two other times this last year. Once over Chinese New Year in February and then again just last month in July. A different course of events brought me back the third time; it even brought my mother to Asia. This course of events was Lola's health.

Things in Cebu had gotten really serious. In the States, my mom was receiving phone calls and urgent messages about hospital bills and medicine and her mother being extremely sick. I was receiving reports via facebook about my grandma being in the hospital and receiving blood transfusions. My mother decided she needed to fly to Cebu herself and see what was going on. So that's what she did. After her first two weeks in the Philippines, she flew to Taipei to spend a few days with me and see my life here in Taiwan. It had been two years since I had seen my mom (see my pictures on facebook: The MOM in TAIPEI & CEBU and Surprise Party for Mom and watch Surprising the mom!).

My mom and I together after 2 years

After her few days with me in Taiwan, we returned to Cebu together; since after I had found out about the whole situation of Lola's health and that my mother was going to be there, I decided I would also make the trip. Once we got to the Philippines, my mom and I started out in Bohol, to continue our mother-daughter bonding portion of the trip (read my note "Bad News and Good News" and watch these two videos: That was a close one. & Getting there: half the journey). While we were in Bohol, my mom got a phone call that called us back to Cebu a day early.

The 3 Generations - July 24, 2011

In Cebu, I spent some of my Lola's last days with her here on earth, taking care of her, feeding her, changing her diaper, singing to her, listening to her cry out in pain and making her last requests, break out in to song, and pray to her Creator. I was also witness to the many people that were drawn to my grandmother, watching them pray for her and encourage her (watch "For Lola", a video compilation I created of her last days in Cebu). My mom and I both left her knowing that it was only a matter of time. We just didn't know when.

I returned to Taiwan and my mom flew back to the States on July 29th.

Barely two days after returning, I received notification of my grandmother's death as I was walking out of church that Sunday afternoon. She had passed away on July 30th, at 3:30 in the afternoon. I booked a ticket back to Cebu that night.

August 1, 2011. One year after the first time I ever came to Cebu and saw my grandma for the first time after 10 years. I landed at the Mactan International Airport in Cebu at 8 o'clock in the morning after flying all night from Taipei. I took a taxi to Talisay Bible Baptist Church, where they were keeping Lola's body. The funeral service and the burial started at one that afternoon. One of my grandma's last requests was that video be taken at her funeral and remembered as "Mommy's Journey to Heaven." So that's what I did. I documented the even so that it could be remembered forever (see "Mommy's Journey to Heaven", the picture album version).

I wrote to a close friend in an email today,

"As soon as I arrived at the Talisay Bible Baptist Church in Cebu the next morning around 9am, I knew I was supposed to be there. That Monday was one of the most emotionally intense days of my life. I think seeing everyone else's tears made me hold mine back. It was my first funeral. I freaked out when I saw my grandma's dead body. It wasn't her.

And I guess that's the joy and beauty hidden in all of this. That body in the coffin wasn't my grandma. My grandma is in heaven."

I will remember my Lola forever, and so will so many other people she knew while she was here on this earth. And she will always be one of my greatest reminders of the words from Philippians 1:21: "TO LIVE IS CHRIST, AND TO DIE IS GAIN."

See you in Heaven, Lola.